Ok then, this is our second last full day in London and we are off to our last group bus tour, heading towards Victoria Coach station again and to pick up some stuff. Hopefully nothing bad goes down today, should be more chill in theory but let’s see how that goes.

Today’s Tube photo shot looks pretty real. They have interesting cushioned seats which I appropriate.

After a reasonable good result from our ‘meal deal’ experiences yesterday, we went to try it again except with M&S Foods. While the selection is good and such, after we choose our items in the self check-out they did not register as a meal deal, thus no combo/discount made. What the hell? Perhaps one of the items did not count as a meal deal item and hence it did not work but we got all the items from the same shelf? Man, that sucks we paid full price for a sandwich, snack and drink, we failed the meal deal here for some reason lol.

Ah yes, after getting our fake/failed ‘meal deal’ for our morning breakfast on the bus, we head to the Victoria Coach Station, a place that our previous tour guide said the local rich residents in the area want gone and have be trying to get ride of it for decades because it’s too busy and brings hooligans. This place has been a coach station for a very long time so that is unlikely.

Picking up some more GREEGS items for our lunch/snack on the road bus. Got a sausage roll and a chicken bake, my sister got a similar selection.

Our fail/fake ‘meal deal’ from M&S, my sister got essentially the same combo items, the coveted prawn cocktail shell as snack and a coke bottle? What did we do wrong? I may be been the snack or the coke? Maybe they were not part of the deal? I am not sure but what was supposed to to be like $6.5 pounds ended up to be almost $9 pounds? Damn, guess we fucked it up.

A sampling of our passengers today’s tour. While the bus can hold about 50 or so people, we only have about 20-25 people today which is like half the amount, wow which is good because we have alot of extra room now to stretch and such.

Proof of existence, tour guide in blue on the left edition. Due to today’s location and themes, 90% of our passengers on the tour are women, wow. Makes sense I guess. Unlike the first tour we did, this tour’s approach is a bit different, they are going to drive to the furthest place from London and then gradually drive backwards hitting all the destinations in order to save time and to not backtrack.

After a fairly long bus ride, about 2 hours, we end up in our first destination, Warwick Castile. Looks nice.

Warwick Castle is interesting in that it was owned by a lord who would be essentially be the kingmaker in the English civil war, known as the war of the roses. Dude couldn’t make up his mind and supported both sides for awhile and was very powerful and rich but after all those years, his ancestors money ran dry and ended up having to sell the castle for money as it was bleeding money on repairs and maintenance. Who brought this castle? Madame Tussauds’s parent company, the same one known for wax museums around the world, oh shit lol.

When we enter our tour guide tells us that for some reason this day is like a day when all the school kids visit the castle because why not. All around the place you see school kids and shit, all doing whatever. She gave us advice on what things to see first and what to skip, since some attractions are heavily kid oriented, and meant for kids. Hmm, I guess that’s what happens when the castle is owned by Madame Tussauds.

However, because we are the way we are, we first hit up the first gift shop that we see, even before seeing anything yet lol. This is apparently the gift shop for the ‘king maker’ exhibit in the castle, that we haven’t seen yet but we should as recommended by our guide.

As you would expect, lots of armor and weapons on display in the main historical living spaces tour area rooms. This is very similar to the kind of stuff seen in Windsor castle, except here they don’t have any problems with letting people take photos of stuff.

They have rooms fully furnished and with wax figures to simulate the feel and location, sometimes even with music and audio in the room. Wow, this is the influence of Madame Tussauds 100%, which is actually not bad, quite good in fact. Background dude is like Henry VIII, the divorce man who ruined everything and created the Anglican church and his bitches I guess.

Lots of Earls at Warwick it says. The place was founded by William the conqueror even further back in the day.

Hmm caption be like, “do you feel a little ill mi-lady” or something of the sort.

Caption be like “The duke of chesterfield has come to make your acquaintance madam”.

Basically unrecognizable but this is apparently a Young Winston Churchill in his 20”s, hmmm not bad.

You cannot avoid these lads and lasses roaming about on the castle grounds. At least some have uniforms so they don’t get lost.

After the main rooms exhibit we go to the ‘king maker’ exhibit that is filled with even more wax figures, showing all the kinds of activities that go on in the castle when they are preparing to go to war back in the day, which is pretty cool.

Some of these wax figures are very well made, looks super real like these archery lads. Noice.

Others like this girl yelling or playing dress up or something…not so much. Quite uncanny valley indeed.

Guy on the right is I believe one of the original/last lords of this castle that actually went to battle and prepared for war maybe. Not bad.

When we walked pass these lads, even my sister and I thought they reminded me of Harry Potter kids, these innit lads. So jokes.

I am not quite sure what is a Zog but they built some kids play place only for kids. I think it’s a english kids book or series? Not sure but yea, we can’t go in, not kid enough.

Proof of leaving Warwick castle now, overall pretty good shit. Would go again, but not for a very very long time, and on my own.

Time in the castle is short and you could technically just ditch the group and go into the normal town if you wanted to to explore. We had like 15 minutes or so before bus departure at like 12:25pm. We were not that mad lad but we did venture outside of the castle for like 5 minutes but then went back inside the castle. Not bad town, could spend some time here maybe.

Walking back we see this mad lad in a wheelchair being pulled by his dog to navigate. Oh shit man, that’s wild.

There is a number of other family friendly attractions in the town such as Legoland and Cadbury World, Sea Life. You really can probably spend a full day or two at this town if you really wanted to, not bad. But for us, basically just an hour and a half.

Back on the bus early, one of the first to come back and we have our GREGGS lunch. Nice legend to remind and tell me what each thing is based on shape and design.

Looks like I got the Chicken Bake one. It’s essentially a pot pie with cream like gravy/sauce and chicken but without the peas and carrots. Not bad at all but would be better if fresh, still good tho.

Our second destination of the day was only 30 minutes away, Stratford-upon-Avon, known as the birthplace and death place of William Shakespeare. This is the time, the moment that my sister has been waiting for in this trip, the moment where she can fix the wrongs and mistakes of the past. We had some browns on our tour, they stayed out of trouble but I question why even do a tour like this with such small kids.

Proof of existence, Shakespeare town main street edition.

They certainly have a good amount of tourists in this town for that play bitch. If it wasn’t for him and his love for this place, this place would be dead and probably be abandoned and become a dead town, instead, it feels like tourist makes up like 80% of this town’s economy.

After a brief wait, our tour guides gets the tickets for our group to see Shakespeare’s birthplace/house.

We are then passed onto by a new guide for this place which I call the ‘orator’ because he talked too much shit for no reason, just let us in the house bitch, we know who Shakespeare is.

Below a mulberry tree apparently, said by some other Brit passing by. Not bad.

Once we get inside we are then again passed off to a in house hype ‘orator’ who tells us more info about this house and how Shakespeare’s family were rich bitches, their house was super big compared to the common peasants.

I know they like to hype this place but do you really need two guys hyping up this place before actually going into the living spaces? Probably not.

Feasts for a beasts I can imagine, probably way better shit than like 99% of people at the time. Nice plastic props.

I believe this was Shakespeare’s childhood bed? Or at least where his mother or servant was when he was born. I can’t remember.

Shakespeare’ literal crib as he was a baby I guess. While this is all nice and all, this entire attraction is a bit underwhelming and honestly kind of mid, especially with the hype men trying to make this place more impressive than it really is. I would have rather be brought to Shakespeare’s grave/tomb instead, at least to me that would be more interesting but I understand why they don’t.

Despite it’s hype and fanfare, at the end of the day an old house is still just a old house but with history behind it, you can only do so much. The gift shop on the other hand, that’s where the shit really is about.

After 7-8 or so years, my sister finally did it, she brought some more of these leather bookmarks from this gift store that just says Shakespeare’s birthplace. Maannn, apparently in her first trip here she was gifted a bookmark by the tour guide for doing some quiz trivia or something, a blue one; she didn’t think much of it then but over the years she’s used that bookmark alot. However, it always bothered her that it was blue, her favorite color is red, it just didn’t sit right with her. She had to correct this problem, so after all these years, she went back to this one gift shot to buy several more $2.5 pound leather bookmarks just in case and of course the coveted red/pink one, just in case for the future for herself or as gifts. This trip to London hinged on this bookmark to be considered a success, it is now considered a success, according to my sister. Mission accomplished I guess.

Proof of trip success, with bag of merch and goods, most importantly those bookmarks. Shakespeare wouldn’t understand it but I guess he would be proud.

There is a lot of shops on the main town road, some Christmas shop here as well. They had a lot of stuff but obviously most people can’t see all, just too much to explore I guess.

Pret A Manger, which is basically the UK’s/London’s Tim Hortons has been a savior MVP during our daily exploration when on our own and even on these bus tours because you can always count there being cold drinks and a washroom to use the toilet. We found even our tour guide chilling in here before the time to go arrived at our next destination later, mann, a bit awkward but whatever. Still used that washroom after buying a drink you know, gotta do what you gotta do.

I thought that sign read “minorities’ but I guess I am blind, but my sister read it as that as well so it’s just not me. Jokes.

The above image is us passing through the Cotswolds, which is just a fancy term for country side in this area that has old houses made of some straw like shit or whatever for roofs. It’s hardcore country core feel but it was a bit raining when we went around so most people were like whatever, it’s not like we stopped for anything so yea, they might as well not mention this. Lest to say, we are heading to our third and final destination before going back home to London, and we have not had any incidents, no losses or deaths yet. Good shit, and it feels like it will stay that way today, I hope so.

We arrive at our last place, Oxford, home to the famous universities and collages and direct inspiration in terms of architecture for Harry Potter Hogwarts.

Man this city/town is so busy with tourists and filled with students and such just doing their thing. This building in the photo apparently is one of the oldest buildings in the city because it was not destroyed in a fire, similarly like how most were destroyed in London many years ago.

Our tour guide walked us around roughly in a circle of the main city road center giving her commentary and such, it was alright. Nice buildings tho.

I think all of us on this tour stayed with our guide until she let us off free to do whatever. It was interesting because it seemed like she felt/expected some of us to drop off and go off early on our own in the city but none did, hm.

An absolute unit of a building, probably to hold books and shit at oxford.

Definitely Harry Potter inspiration, most so for the back most buildings.

Proof of existence photo, oxford fraud edition. I am still not quite sure this place is considered a tourist attraction. Yes it’s cool the old buildings but is it really necessary to visit if you don’t or have never been to oxford as a student, either in the past, present or future?

“Potter! Get your shit together” I can kinda hear in the background looking at these spire buildings.

I like how Manga is the first option on this list of categories for this book store signage. They know what’s up, what sells.

As recommended by our guide, this store has good official oxford merch and was good because it was cheaper than most of the others. Most of us went into here to buy some trinkets or oxford merch, sure. Time to get that oxford shirt and pretend like you actually went there when you totally didn’t, is why this is actually here and why they sell merch.

After a rather uneventful Oxford mini exploration session the ride back to London was just under 2 hours, feeling much better about bus tours than the first one because this bus was much better, the AC worked well and we had half the amount of people, allowing for more room and such. The pace of the tour was also much more chill and relaxed compared to the Stonehenge tour which Is what I expected/wanted. Overall I would say this bus tour to Warwick, Shakespeare birthplace and Oxford was alright, they are not super high tier attractions compared to like Stonehenge and such from the former, but they have a place for people who like books and or a scholar. It’s also good that there was no one left behind or died during the tour, which is also a bonus. Alright, not bad, bus tour, you alright, sometimes I guess.

After our successful bus trip, we had more time to find something to eat since we came back earlier, can’t escape the tube after all, even after a long bus ride.

Nearby our hotel is this chain banger and mash/pie place called Mother Mash which served well, bangers and mash and pies, in a casual manner.

The experience of this restaurant/meal is quite unique and my sister had alot to say not so much about our meals itself when they came, but rather, the experiences of the surrounding guests that sat near us.

Parts in quotations are my sister’s exact written account of her recollection and thoughts on the food/matter and have been unedited to preserve original integrity/intent; you have been forewarned:

We decided to get a patio seat because why not, it wasn’t that hot today and it was the first time we decided to get a patio, not bad.

Uncharacteristically, we decided to have dinner out on the street patio. As we sat down at our table, our server mentioned off-handedly to us to “mind our phones as there are pickpockets in the area.” We acknowledged his warning and protected our phones by stowing them deep in our pockets. Away from the street. Because of this warning, I was on high alert. This was not the first time today we were warned about pickpockets.

Proof of patio dining existence. They had a wide selection of menu items, from bangers and mash to even pies, all British bait shit but it all seemed good. They had a system where you pick your kind of mash, sausage and then type of gravy, seemed easy enough.

Our server handed us the menu and we took a minute to review the menu. Like many other entrants we dined at in London, components of dishes are ordered separately (not combined into a combo) which took some getting used to. This menu was pretty well organized into a 3 step ordering process: pick your mash, pick your banger, pick your gravy. Fantastic and easy to understand if you can read.

Like yesterday I also ordered a basic lager beer. It was alright, nice and crisp/clean. I don’t drink often but when I do, it’s because I want to blend in and pretend being British by having a beer by my side.

When our food arrived I noticed from across the street a family consisting of a father, mother and their son who looked to be in grade 7 or 8. This family was sitting at the Jamaican Patty restaurant across the street from us when suddenly the dad approached the restaurant we were dining at. Us, being sat outdoors had me thinking this man could be the aforementioned pickpocketer. The father stood dead eyed at a stand that had the menu displayed and verbally exclaimed to no one, “this place looks good!” Internally, my thoughts morphed his statement to “…this place looks good…to pickpocket!” I was scared. He gestured to his family still sat at the patty restaurant to come over

My order of bangers and mash I chose regular mash and traditional gravy with smoky honey sausage, it was recommended by a comment I saw on google reviews, shit’s pretty good. Basic but pretty good.

The server guided the family to their table which was directly beside ours. The mom and son sat down and the father somehow assumed that they had to order from inside of the restaurant and he started for the door. He was stopped by the server who explained that they can order from their table and handed them menus. The server left the family to give them time to review the menu. At this time, my brother and I were enjoying our bangers and mash.

My sister got more fancy mash, which is like irish kind with green onion, cheese and something else I think. Her gravy was red wine and onion and her sausage pick was traditional Cumberland sausages, the classic British breakfast sausages we have been eating from GREEGS.

I ordered a side of stewed red cabbage as a side, it was alright, kind of acidic and such. They also asked if I wanted chili vinegar which also you can add to enhance the flavor, which I did, it does improve the taste, would recommend adding it to both mash and sausage. We both shared a bit of both types and they were both good shit.

Mom: so this…gravy, is it light or dark gravy? I don’t like dark gravy.

The server gestured towards me.

Server: the gravy looks like hers.
Mom: oh that looks dark. I don’t know.
Server: all the gravies are about that colour.
Mom: okay we’ll have that then.

We saw it on the menu earlier and we have yet to have it yet, so we decided to get the sticky toffee pudding with ice cream. Overall it was alright but doesn’t hold a candle to the Gordon Ramsey one we had in Vegas.

When their food arrived, the family looked surprised.

Mom: what is this sauce?
Server: liquor sauce. It’s like a parsley sauce.
Mom: oh I didn’t know that.
Son: can I have a piece of your banger mom?
Mom: sure son, here you go.
Son: this is really good! You know what would make this better? Making this sausage into a McDouble, that would make it great!
Server: Is there anything else I can get you?
Dad: No, we’re okay.
Son: I love your accent by the way!

My sister seemed to be a bit irritated about something but I guess it was just because our dessert wasn’t as good as it was in Vegas, that or maybe the American family that stat right beside us, maybe their dumbness and behavior.

The son glances at our table noticing the sticky toffee pudding dessert we ordered had arrived. It came with two scoops of vanilla ice cream.

Son: mom, maybe I’ll get the chocolate cake instead. It comes with ice cream!

The said Americans that sat across from us, it seemed like they had never left America in their entire life and couldn’t read the menu, even tho it was in English and had to have the menu explained to them by the waiter or just didn’t understand. They may have used our meals as an example of what they want to eat but I have no idea, I didn’t pay too much attention to them other than a few odd dumb remarks by the son like “Oh, I like your accent” and a “Can I order dessert now.” Maybe my sister can provide more insight on the manner.

My brother and I finished our dessert, paid and left. While the family ended up not being pickpocketers, I felt like I had been robbed, robbed of cultural knowledge! Do they not know how to read? Do they not know anything else aside from McDonald’s? I like your accent, what the hell? I felt poorer just by being in their proximity. Tch, typical Americans.

I noticed there was a Jamaican patty place across from Mother’s Mash, maybe we should try some since I like Jamaican patties, maybe they are like ours at home or better. We agreed to try and get some for some snack later tonight or second dinner. The amount of food at Mother’s Mash is honestly not that much even tho the quality is good, I could probably eat double the amount of mash and sausage. Besides that, I would still recommend trying bangers and mash at this place, it’s pretty good shit. The only think that worried me a bit was eating outside in the patio and the warning of pickpockets, maybe the waiter or something had personal first hand experience with that since he was black and was speaking from experience, who knows. He shouldn’t have said anything maybe, but I guess it was good to let us know as people have been warning us about pickpockets in London but so far nothing has happened yet, hopefully that stays that way.

After dinner we wandered about and decided to get more food for our snack/second dinner. Another try at a ‘meal deal’ this time as Saintsbury, which is also kinda like a grocery store express. This time however, our combo worked and our ‘meal deal’ was legit, only $5 pounds, good shit.

Our meal deal ‘main’ was this weird sushi that my sister got. I was weird man, it was like crab meat with lettuce and raw red bell pepper, it came with teriyaki sauce instead of soy sauce and fried onions for toppings. The patties we brought were bigger than expected, much bigger and thicker than the ones we had at home, they were a full meal in their own right depending on how much you ate. Noice. I think the patties were like $4.5 pounds each, so yea, more expensive but also much larger.

Our second dinner/snack was weird, the patties were good but I was caught off guard on how big they were. We got spicy beef and curry goat, the spicy beef patty was traditional and overall the better one by far. The sushi rolls is some weird shit man when everything is combined, never had such shit like this before. And for snack, we got these ‘satay’ skewers but they were just the chicken bites we had before in previous meal deals but with sweet and sour sauce dip, it was kinda mid shit. The sushi was….not again, not good for ‘meal deal’ at all, very much a scam. If you do ‘meal deal’ do white people food, like sandwiches and shit, not sushi, avoid unless you want to have a unique experience, which is what my sister wanted.

And that about ends our second last full day in London, it was a much chiller bus day so let’s see what we can do in our final day tomorrow, let’s go!